Strong Personal Statement: Selected Exceptional Essays

We’re sharing exceptional personal statements from applicants in the past admissions cycle in hopes of illustrating that a good personal statement can cover a wide range of topics, but ultimately, showcases the student’s character, curiosity, and voice. These statements, written by students now enrolled at Emory University, were selected for a multitude of reasons, and we asked our admission staff to share what made the below statement stand out. 

The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

I would have defended them to anyone.

Often, I’d share the statistic with my apprehensive sister that shark attacks are 1 in 11 million. Before my encounter, I would have rattled off the list of facts about these sharks and actively tried to break the stigma.

As I sat on a twin-engine dive boat just off the island of Enubuj, my stomach became increasingly upset as the idle boat swayed with the waves. “I’m jumping in,” I exclaimed as I grabbed my fins and mask to do some quick snorkeling to alleviate the queasy sensation in my stomach. Solid and steady kicks propel me forward toward my favorite reef in the lagoon: Troy’s Coral Head.

As an avid swimmer, I didn’t think twice about going out alone, even in the shark-inhabited waters of the Kwajalein lagoon. The Marshallese word for shark is bako, which translates to sea puppy due to the lagoon sharks being known for their gentle nature. I was 30 feet from the boat when my surroundings suddenly changed. The crystal blue water of the Pacific Ocean and tropical fish of every color quickly changed to a scene still etched into my mind.

Out of nowhere, it was upon me. Mouth pulled apart in a large toothy grin as he turned to me with sudden speed and unpredictability. He barreled at me. I had no choice but to gather every ounce of courage I had. I launched a hefty kick to the snout.  All the training and facts I had memorized escaped my brain as more sharks started to appear. Grey Reef Sharks. One of the only aggressive species on Kwajalein Atoll. The previously empty waters quickly changed as no less than twenty sharks, all larger than me, now circled, each coming at me forcefully from all sides.

I was made for this.

Ten years of competitive swimming, trained lifeguard, advanced scuba diver, and shark enthusiast.

And still, I panicked.

The rules of the pool cannot be employed in this world under the ocean. Everything is based on instinct. At that moment, I was their prey.

After I used my fins to kick five of the sharks, they finally realized I was a formidable opponent, and miraculously, they swam away.

Although this was a terrifying moment, I don’t regret the events that led me to this encounter. I’ll continue to take calculated risks (hopefully not with any more sharks) and learn along the way.

Side quests and deep dives are what I do best.  The desire to explore the world around me is something I have possessed from a young age. Since I was twelve years old, I have been a self-designated travel planner. While other kids would spend time playing video games or watching YouTube, I would obsess over flights and hotels in the far corners of the globe. Most of those trips didn’t happen, but the planning was half the fun. I will get to Mozambique someday!

When my Dad had a job opportunity to move to the Marshall Islands, I was the one who took the lead to convince my entire family to move 7,000 miles to a 3.5-mile island with no cell service, three stores, and some of the best scuba diving in the world. The ultimate adventure.

What I learn here in the lagoon can’t be taught in the classroom or researched on Google. I explore submerged WW2 wrecks, attempt to climb palm trees for fresh coconuts, and learn traditional Marshallese dances to perform for the king.  Growing out of my comfort zone is something I plan to continue doing as I go on to the next stages of my life. No matter how hard you try and plan, life will throw unexpected adventures that may just turn into some of the best experiences.

Sometimes you’ve got to swim with the sharks.

Feedback from Admission Staff

As we read applications, each student has a team of admission staff assigned to their file to review it and assess the student’s potential. The staff responsible for this student’s file had this to say about the personal statement:

“This essay vividly captures a student with remarkable courage, curiosity, and an eagerness to embrace challenge and discovery. It also shares insight into the uniqueness of her context. The writer’s storytelling is engaging and immersive, allowing readers to experience both the tension of the shark encounter and the reflection that follows. Most importantly, the applicant conveys a mindset of personal resilience and self-development—an individual eager to learn from the world beyond the classroom and bring that adventurous perspective to campus life.”

 

Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. 

Growing up, I had never thought that I would witness history happen, but on August 11th, 2017, I did. Etched in my memory for ages to come is not the pride of being featured in a solo for a ‘Newsies’ number at the Paramount theater, but instead the fear from policemen shouting, lights flashing red and blue. Most dreadful of all was the chanting I heard.

A block away from where I stood, I witnessed a Ku Klux Klan march. A march of hate for people of color – people like me. I remember feeling unsafe in my own bed that night. I remember despising myself for being part of a group so easily hated, so yellow and grotesque. To them, I was only the Chinese girl, dog eater, and dumpling maker. I did not exist past a surface level fascination.

For years I was shackled by what-ifs. Scared that my words, my likes and interests, would be associated with the yellow that they only seemed to see. Afraid that their labels were all that made me who I was.

The more my voice was suffocated in the real world, the more it grew in my imagination. I was free in the stories that I made and shared. In the mini-movies I created on my YouTube channel, eventually gaining hundreds of thousands of views and subscribers, I became a master of my own voice, bringing more than just words together on paper but also technology, art and people. As I slowly but hesitantly started to shed the what-ifs, I began to see that I existed beyond my labels because I was a YouTuber, a writer.

My love for storytelling prompted me to begin my own film team, aspiring to help other people find empowerment through art like I did. The people on my team came from diverse global backgrounds- Singaporean Designer Daze, Brazilian Editing Director Pero and Scottish Animation Director Neko, reminded me that I was not alone in a world I previously viewed as homogenous. From helping Daze navigate her teenage miscarriage, supporting Pero through her father’s imprisonment for political speech, and empowering Neko through their struggles with autism, I experienced worlds beyond my own. More than coworkers I uplifted, they became friends who taught me humility, gratitude, and the power of shared passion.

Through becoming a leader of others, I grew confident enough to finally reject the words that marred my self-image for years. I became proud of my voice- Chinese, Taiwanese American and all.

Now I lead social advocacy efforts to help others find their own voice in their own stories. From guiding Amnesty chapters across the nation to now serving on Amnesty’s youth governance body, I’ve championed the implementation of storytelling and the arts into their grassroots work. These stories spark small actions that grow into large scale movements that burn brightly to protect human rights.

In other spaces I use digital media, uplifting the stories of individuals like Uncle Sam, Linda Cheung, Bobby Chang, whose home is Chinatown, a place in danger of being destroyed. By putting names to faces and stories to movements, change becomes humane, born of love and care. In my antiracist work, I write of the colors, the voice, the words needed to spotlight Akshara- woman of indestructible knowledge,  Kareema bee – woman of love, both people of color, people who have experienced life-long discrimination. Their stories beckon hearts and show people why we must keep fighting for antiracism.

Storytelling holds the power to heal or harm, to uplift or suppress. In teams, it becomes a bridge to understanding, igniting collaboration and deepening connections. The future, I believe, holds boundless hope. With every word written, every punctuation marked and color unleashed, people are liberated.

I strive to be the author of that future-a world where voices are no longer suffocated, but lifted high, carrying the bright promise of change.

Feedback from Admission Staff

As we read applications, each student has a team of admission staff assigned to their file to review it and assess the student’s potential. The staff responsible for this student’s file had this to say about the personal statement:

“This essay powerfully conveys a journey from pain to purpose, showing a student who has turned personal adversity into a catalyst for leadership, problem-solving, and creativity. The writer’s command of language and narrative voice reflects both emotional maturity and artistic sophistication. Most importantly, the applicant reveals a deep personal belief in the transformative power of storytelling—an outlook that promises to enrich any campus community with empathy, cultural awareness, and vision. She is able to successfully connect ideas and vision, to meaningful action as an agent of change.”